Warby Parker + My Face

I was one of those weird kids that always wanted glasses when I was little. I wanted glasses and braces because someone in a book I'd read had them, and I apparently admired this character, and thus I begged my mother to grant me the opportunity to, essentially, be ridiculed by my peers. Luckily, I've never had to get glasses (20-20 vision, y'all), but I've always wondered what I would look like if I did wear them. The answer is: very different. My mother tells me I look like an intellectual when I put on glasses, which leads me to assume that she thinks I don't usually look like an intellectual. Thanks, mom. 

Enter Warby Parker. No, that is not a stage direction. (Buhdum, chh.) For those of you that are unaware of what Warby Parker means, it is the name of a glasses company that so generously offered to do a collaboration with me. Now, this is generally a fairly autonomous site in that I write things by myself for this blog (with the occasional article on the Huffington Post or elsewhere), so it took a lot of thought and contemplation and internal discussion to reach the conclusion that collaborating with these folks would be a great thing to do. 

There were a few things that definitely helped weigh the scales in Warby Parker's favor. The first was that Lola's glasses are from them, and presumably the rest of her family's are as well. The second thing is that their frames rock. Glasses are an accessory, and ones that go on your face, a.k.a. the vehicle for your thoughts when they are manifested verbally, so I'd say choosing the right glasses is one of the most important decisions you have to make in your lifetime. If you select the wrong ones, your brain and the rest of your body are automatically judged on par with your frames. Conversely, if you choose fantastic ones, there's suddenly something about you that people are drawn to. You may not be saying anything different, but it's those glasses, man. Those of us with only two eyes have to rely more on our hair, I think, which is highly unfortunate for me because I have no patience with my hair. I kind of dread washing it because I know that it's just going to do whatever it wants and often it is angry and does not do good things. Except for when it makes itself into very nice, beauty-pageant curls as you can see below. But I digress. 

The third thing that convinced me that Warby Parker is A-OK is that whilst perusing their website, I came upon the section that gives a bit of background on the company's name. I was curious to find out what significance it holds, because it's a pretty funky name, and that is coming from someone with a pretty funky name. It turns out that the four guys that created the company are big fans of the American novelist (who also currently holds the occupation of acting as my computer background), poet, jazz-music-digger, lover of love, Zen Buddhist (can you tell that I'm in love him yet? Because I am), and beautiful man Jack Kerouac. It turns out that two characters from some of his earliest works had the names Zagg Parker and Warby Pepper (he came up with the best names. Dean Moriarty? Mardou Fox? He should've had a million children just to give them all great names), so they chose their favorites from each person and came up with Warby Parker. Seeing as I am such an avid fan of monsieur Kerouac (did I mention that he was fluent in French?), it only made sense, based on the mathematically sound transitive property, that I should be an avid fan of Warby Parker. And whaddya know, I guess I am. 

I selected five of my favorite pairs of glasses off their site, took pictures of me wearing them, and now said pictures are here for public consumption. So now, public, consume them! 

[Photos by me.]

Sloan in Rum Cherry
My mom really liked these because she thought the color looked nice. Red is my favorite color in the Whole Wide World, so I couldn't argue with that. Though I will say that I think the bridge is a bit too thick for my eyebrows. Also, the scar on my nose is covered up by them, so I'd' probably choose a different pair were I to need glasses. 

Begley in Greystone

I like the size and shape of these, although my mom thinks I should stay away from round glasses on account of my big squishy cheeks and the roundness of my face. I obviously put a lot of stock into what my mother says (ya hear that, mom?). But I do think these Begleys are quite cute. 

Sinclair in Burgundy Fade

I liked these a bit more than the Begley pair, mostly because the outer corners turn up instead of down, and I've always wanted a pair of cat-eye glasses like the ones that freaky suburban librarians mythically wear. Also, burgundy is a shade of red, so...

Langston in Amber

These were my mom's favorites; she said I looked the most intellectual in these. I can't say I necessarily agree with her. I tend to lean towards more rounded silhouettes, but maybe it's because my secret ambition is to look more like Harry Potter (hey, we have the same birthday, and I've got the scar on my nose which is kind of like Harry's scar) and Allen Ginsberg, or better yet, Harry Potter posing as Allen Ginsberg. 

Percey in Striped Sassafras 

This last pair might be my favorite. They're round, they don't turn down too much at the edges, and the color is not too obtrusive and loud. Also, Percy Weasley! I don't know what my sudden obsession with Harry Potter is (again), but it's hit me full force tonight. I kinda dig it. 

Welp, that's what I'd look like in glasses. You better call me Four Eye-delia.

On second thought, you better not.

Now it's your turn (I feel like I'm Steve on Blues Clues saying that). You can order five pairs of frames for free that you can hold onto for five days before you have to send them back. That way you can try them on in the comfort of your home without having to contend with other people seeing you if you end up looking like a frightening bug! If you're in need of a second pair of eyes, I'd say this is the place to take care of that.

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