kill the idea

so harry styles, one of the members of one direction, came out with his first ever solo photoshoot today. harry has never presented in the most traditionally masculine way, and has often been praised for having long hair and not being hypermasculine and for wearing glittery shoes, things like that. but some of the photos in this shoot present him as androgynous in that particular way that artists shoot for when they have attractive cis white models. anyway now people are like HARRY !! KING OF GENDER!!! and i for one want to die! so here's my tirade about it!! 

kill the idea that cis people should be praised for “paving the way” for trans/nonbinary people by “queering gender.“ almost every cis person ive seen on tumblr since harry's solo magazine shoot came out has been praising him for being androgynous and breaking gender stereotypes. operating on the assumption that he is cis, which he very well may not be, but he has verbally self-identified as a man many times over the years, so i'm assuming he’s cis–as a cis white man, his gender expression does little to nothing for trans ppl. i still get harassed on the street by strangers and wont go into gendered public bathrooms out of fear and get misgendered bc of the way i express my gender. i get harassed and misgendered when i express my more masc aligned gender in feminine coded ways. harry gets praise. this is not "liberation”–it’s literally nothing. like harry can express his gender in any way that feels authentic to him, that’s not the problem. gender is performative for all of us. the problem is that ppl think that his gender expression is groundbreaking. regardless of that idea completely ignoring history and many poc who came before him who did similar things or even more (first thought was prince), there is nothing radical about a cis man with long hair in chelsea boots. that will never be more radical than the mere existence of trans ppl. we do this shit every day to survive and be ourselves and we get disrespected, abused, and killed. harry styles gets praised. THAT is the difference. there is NOTHING radical or subversive about a cis white man getting credit for shit trans ppl do every fucking day. in fact, i can barely think of anything that conforms more to our society’s hegemonic structure. i love harry very very much, but it is an ENORMOUS privilege that he can perform his gender authentically and not face violence for it.

i'm back :))

so the last time i used this blog was almost 2 years ago.... yikes !!! i used to write on this blog every day, so it’s very weird to be back ... and it’s doubly weird because i’m coming back with a different name and entirely different identity. i’m revamping this blog as lou, and it turns out i'm not a girl lol so. there's that..... i'm a trans masculine nonbinary person, and i use he/him pronouns!!

i could've easily started an entirely new blog but this one is my baby (i started it when i was 13!!!! aaaAAAAHH)!!! y'all are welcome to like... look at my old shit on here but i probably said some Not Great stuff but keep in mind i was like 13-16 and uneducated on loooots of stuff so don't like tear me to shreds or anything pls !!!!

i mostly decided to revamp this blog because i have A Lot to say about. lots of things and i want a place to say it in a more organized manner than i do on my tumblr. this was originally a fashion blog and i still want to talk about that tbh, but in a different way than i did before. fashion isn't necessarily high fashion/runway fashion. i actually have little to no interest in that shit anymore. it's just skinny white people wearing expensive clothing that's ugly a lot of the time and i Do Not Care!! but: for the past 2 years i had Awful body dysphoria and mostly just wore baggy clothing all the time to the point where if i told people that i used to be a fashion blogger they're like . lmao are u sure sweatie ?? which is very Yikes. but i had top surgery a little under 3 months ago, and have been on testosterone for around 1 year and 3 months (!!!!). so basically there's 2 things at play here:

1) my body is extremely different than what it was before
2) the way others perceive my gender is often directly correlated to how i dress

the second one was /never/ the case before. in a post-op, on-T body, i'm learning to navigate what this means for me and how i can be authentic to myself and my identity as best as i can!! which is actually really fuckin hard. but i process things by yelling about them so that's why the blog is back lol :)

i also just miss writing a lot? i used to write on this thing every day (tbt to the manic episode of 2012 .... y i k e s) and i was just writing really often and now i barely do? and it's a really important thing for me and my ~healing~ and that's my #1 thing. i still write fiction sometimes but . and don't grill me for this but. it's mostly fanfiction ... IT IS A GOOD AND IMPORTANT GENRE OF FICTION OKAY!!!!! maybe i will post some of mine or link to it .. i don't write anything that's nsfw!!!! because i'm ace and i don't do that shit!!

as for what i'm actually going to be writing about... i'm really only interested in fashion in a peripheral sense anymore so i'll talk about it sometimes, but this is definitely Not a fashion blog anymore.  but i wanna talk about intersectional feminism n shit!! i work at an intersectional feminist bookstore and am also on tumblr all the time so that's like. most of what i think about (except one direction and Gay Things). this is basically going to be a more refined version of my tumblr without the fear of my posts being hijacked by people trying to drag me into The Discourse(tm). i want to have conversations with people but also? this is my place for queer screaming and if u wanna scream... make ur own blog it costs $0.00 :)

also: i changed the title to something that represents me pretty well: i'm queer and i'm always screaming. that's really it. also my old blog title was a fucking awful pun ... who the fuck allowed me to use so many puns like literally @god why did you let me do that ???? W H Y

ok i'm excited to start posting again!!!!!!!!!! weee see y'all soon

Irrational Fear

When you search "fear of Islam" on the internet, the first entry is a Wikipedia article entitled "Islamophobia." When you search "fear of Christianity," the first entry is a Yahoo Answers post from 2008 entitled "Fear of Christians...?" Now tell me. Do you see a problem here?

If someone tells me they're Christian (or any sect thereof), I get scared. My mind flashes to the Westboro Baptist Church's URL (godhatesfags.com) and images of white-hooded figures burning crosses. I have flashbacks to the movie Jesus Camp. Is that unfair? Maybe. But if someone tells me they're Muslim, I do not get scared. My initial association with Islam is not violence and hatred, it's my 6th grade social studies class, because we did a really long, extensive unit on Islam. And then I think of my friend's grandmother who converted to Islam. I like her. She's nice. And then I think of Zayn Malik, because he's Muslim. And I love Zayn Malik.

I have a lot of problems with the how people are reacting, and have reacted for many years, to jihadists and extremists by conflating their actions with the actions and ideologies and beliefs of all Muslims everywhere. If we're going to commit to fearing all members of the 2nd most practiced religion of the world, then we need to commit to fearing all members of the 1st most practiced religion of the world: Christianity. People have been fighting in the name of "God" and "Jesus" for years so they can get away with doing hateful shit. Whether you go to the Wikipedia entry, kkk.com, or kkkknights.com, the message is the same: the KKK aligns itself with Protestantism, and they do what they do because they claim it's "God's will." Same with the Westboro Baptist Church. They may not be directly affiliated with the Baptist Church, but they definitely use their "religion" as a crutch. I could list thousands of examples of organizations or people who attempt to color their bigotry as anything other than it is by using Christianity as their paintbrush.

Anyone will jump up immediately to say, "Not all Christians!" the same way they'd say "Not all men!" or "Not all cops!" Really? Are we playing that game? Okay, fine. Let's talk about how over the summer, the Supreme Court got rid of the 35-foot buffer zone between protestors and abortion clinic because they felt it directly attacked anti-abortion protestors. WHAT THE FUCK? Is being physically and verbally harassed on your way to doing something very personal THAT LITERALLY AFFECTS NO ONE ELSE not a direct attack? Let's think, what do most pro-lifers cite as their reason for believing abortions give you a one-way ticket to hell? It's Jesus. And what about the time that Rep. Todd Akin said, "If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down"? He's Christian. Honestly, I don't even want to keep going with this list, I'm just going to get pissed off.

If we're going to keep defending racists, homophobes, murderers, rapists, and the like by saying not all men/cops/Christians/et cetera, then why the fuck are we not saying "Not all Muslims"? Because if any of those deserve to have a "not all" in front of it, it's Muslims. Because people of the Muslim faith do not actually pose a threat, it's a specific group of people within the much, much, much larger global Muslim community. Cisgender men have proven for centuries that they can and will take advantage of women. Of course not every single man is a rapist, but the way people born with penises are socialized and educated and treated, the way they are taught to be a MAN, is very much inclusive of misogyny, sexism, and the objectification of anyone who is not a cisgender man. Of course not all cops have killed people, but it is in their training and imbedded in our culture to kill those we don't like. Of course not all Christians hunt down Black people in their free time or stand outside abortion clinics throwing eggs or believe that being anything but cisgender and heterosexual is a sin, but it is part of modern Christianity to be taught these things. These ideas are drilled into people's heads by their families, by their churches, by mass media, by politicians, by almost everyone, because Christianity has its foot in every door Fearing things that have, historically, for decades, been hurting and targeting specific groups of people--that's rational. Those are real fears, with valid reasons. Fearing all brown-skinned people and all Muslims because there are a few groups of people that fit those descriptions that have unsound and harmful beliefs? That's racism, xenophobia, whatever name you wanna give it, I don't care. The bottom line is that it's fucked up and needs to stop.

It's Not About the Guns

It was never about the guns. Before guns, there were crossbows and swords and spears and clubs and the force of the human body. Every one of them has the capacity to do the same thing: kill. It never mattered what weapon was used. Obviously some were more expedient and effective than others in completing the desired task, but the task would be completed regardless of the method. As the saying goes, guns don't kill people--people kill people.

The gun that shot Michael Brown is not responsible for his murder. The person whose wretched fingers curled around the trigger and pulled--he is responsible, and he alone. Well, if he didn't have a gun in the first place... Yes, this is true. If Darren Wilson was not in possession of firearms at the time (he was also carrying mace, but found an unarmed teenager too much of an imminent threat to his precious life to use something as harmless as mace), perhaps Michael would not have died by Wilson's gun shot that day. But if not then, it would have been a different time, place, and scenario. The next Darren Wilson wouldn't even use a gun. Just his own two arms. He would employ an illegal chokehold. The murderous hands would belong to Daniel Pantaleo, closing in around the neck of Eric Garner.

It was never about the weapon.

It should have at least been about the evidence. It should have at least been about the laws that are so often lauded by our government, praised as the pillars of our free country. It should have been about a fair trial. And an unbiased jury. It should have been about the truth. But it was not.

Even when the murder of Eric Garner was filmed, which is the closest we can get to witnessing something firsthand, it meant nothing. Not even when the chokehold used was illegal in its own right, independent of the fact that its use resulted in death. Not even an indictment. What happened to the law about when you kill a person, you have to face the consequences? Oh, right, I forgot. When they wrote "person," it was understood that it was open to interpretation. The definition of "person" was deemed to be at the discretion of the perpetrator. When Darren Wilson shot Michael's surrendered, unarmed body, he did not see a person. He saw a "demon." Well, there you have it. These laws very clearly refer to HUMANS ONLY. Demonic law is a whole other system. You'll have to consult the Grand Jury of the Underworld.

It was never about the guns or the body cameras or the laws. It is about the inability of some to recognize others as fellow human beings, comrades in the slug race to the abyss. This inability is a disease of the mind, a very serious, very dangerous, often lethal flaw. Racism is not an opinion. Opinions are only valid when there is more than one side of an issue. Black people are people. That is a fact. Any "belief" insinuating otherwise is not an opinion--it is a direct act of violence. To say that Black lives do not matter is not only a direct act of violence, it is an act of genocide. The words themselves do not literally kill Black people, the same way guns do not literally kill people. But the words are a result of a deeply, dangerously, horrifyingly, blatantly racist society. This world breeds racist people, who then perpetuate the "idea" that Black people are somehow less than, that they are not people, that their lives have no value or worth, that they are disposable. It does not matter if you never raise a hand or a gun to a Black person--if you think their lives do not matter as much as yours, you are committing genocide. You are contributing to the erasure and execution of a targeted group of people.

I am not going to argue why racism is wrong (to say the least), or say "we all bleed red" to try to justify the worth of Black peoples' lives. Not only would it be degrading, but they have told you themselves, a million times. They are alive every day, fighting back, proving their worth again and again, more than anyone should ever have to.

Do not blame the guns or the laws. Do not jump for joy when three hundred million dollars are going to be spent on body cameras that will film police brutality that has already been caught on camera and deemed useless evidence. Blame the people. Blame the society. And then go out there, and fucking change it.